Watching Myself

I've just finished watching the DVD of my performance of 10 Ways o Die on Stage at the Arnolfini on 12th of January 2008.

It was for one of the best nights of my life, in that it was the best performance that i have ever done.

Watching myself there on stage feels so strange, the video, by James of fotosonix.com, is excellent, but it really serves to demonstrate just how vital it is to be there at the performance to really understand what it felt like. A video document like this one can't capture the feelings i had, the warmth of the audience, it doesn't pick up the things i heard my mum saying during the show, all these things delighted me.

I'm really pleased that it exists and i will be using it to help promote the show but i can't help feeling disappointed somehow. Like i say in the show you can't go back. The work is for the audience in that space at that time, it isn't meant for anybody else, it resists being packaged and distributed by degrading, by going off slightly in the process of being filmed and viewed at a distance. In the same way that fresh vegetable wilt and bread turns stale.

There is an uncapturable quality to live work, what a shame, and thank goodness!