Conservative Arts Policy

Jeremy Hunt has just announced several new strands of Conservative Arts policy.

1. The entire contents of the Bristish Library is to be burnt in the furnaces of the countries coal-fired power stations. Jeremy Hunt, MP for South West Surrey commented thus, "Books are made from trees, trees are renewable, this policy represents a step towards a greener future free from harmful CO2."

2. All funding will be withdrawn from theatres ensuring that all but the most capitalistic are forced to close. Said Hunt: "This presents a reconnection with the fine, English tradition of the wandering troupe of players, going from town to town & performing in the market square. It will encourage flexibility in the acting workforce."

3. Visual and live artists will now be required to present their creations before a censorship-board comprised of local land-owning gentry and church ministers, with offensive art work being destroyed utterly in giant furnaces and the artists themselves shot in the back of the head at drawn. Quoth J.H. - "Arts in the UK have a world-wide reputation for high quality, we simply wish to preserve the intellectual purity of our national image."

David Cameron commenting on the proposals between said "Films? Pah! Theatre? Bunk! Destroy the infrastructure which supports such flimsy dross, and do it NOW! Jeremy Hunt is a flamed-haired, ember-eyed ambassador of light. An avenging angle laying waste to the very idea of culture. He will not only destroy the arts in this country but I believe we shall achieve our goal of creating a prison state where the very bodies of the poor are the playthings of the wealthy and powerful."

He added: "Here is a photo i made of the mechanised, feminised Hunt-a-tron Destructabot with which we will purge the nation."